im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
