I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
