bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
