Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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