I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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