wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
