it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
