Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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