I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
false alarm, still single
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize