i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
