Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
