I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
