I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
