Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
