I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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