VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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