Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
