omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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