She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
