We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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