have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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