I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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