Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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