dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
