i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
