Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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