dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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