I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...