maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap