I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!