Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
