grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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