so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
