i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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