He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
are you so shy because you have an std?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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