he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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