Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
