Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
