you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
