Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
