I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my poor anus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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