Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
