and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
