I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
