My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He passed out mid-signature
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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