i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
