So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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