I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
