I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
