I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
