Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
