My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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