Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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