Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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