i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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