i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
