God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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