I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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