Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
