That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
