He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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