people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
