He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize