I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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